Wise-up: Workplace Intimidation

Hey All,

A friend asked me to speak about an experience that is all too common for young women (and perhaps young men) when they enter the workplace. Hopefully, this can be of some help to someone out there, even if it just serves to open your eyes.

When I was younger, ambition, curiosity and boredom pushed me to get into the workplace as early as possible especially during those long summers when Camp hadn't started yet and tv was growing repetitive.

I  had helped out doing administrative work at the offices of my parents and some of their friends so I felt that it was time that I explore new territory. I enrolled in a programme that placed you in organizations all over for summer work. I went through the training with flying colours and got placed at the top of the list. This meant that I was going to get picked by the organizations that dealt with sensitive, detailed work in a fast-paced environment. I was ELATED.

The first two weeks went well and I worked hard to get my tasks done on time, to network and generally endear myself to persons there. I wanted to be memorable, not just a pass-through. At the end of the second week I was 'promoted' to supervise the other girls that had come through the programme with me and I even made a suggestion to change something so that it would work more efficiently and was put in charge of implementing it.

I was coasting at the top...and getting attention for it. My supervisors changed daily and after a while, they began to feel like I could cope without having to report to someone. At the end of each day I would check the log of each of the summer workers and make sure we had completed all our tasks. 

On one of these days, I felt someone's presence over my shoulder. It was one of the male supervisors and he winked at me when I looked up. Never one to feel politeness should override propriety I asked him if there was something I could help him with. His response was to tell me that if I kept sticking my tongue out of my mouth the way I was I could most definitely help him. (You can tell how fully it creeped me out because I can still hear him saying it to me). I visibly bristled and responded something along the lines of not being able to help him with that. He laughed and walked away.

I chalked it down to him wanting to make his move and get it over with but I still had my guard up. A day or two later he pushed it further. It was the end of the day and I was leaning against a desk chatting with my co-workers. I was wearing a white wool pencil skirt and because I was leaning backwards there was a space between the skirt and the bottom of my knees. (Ladies you know what I mean). He took a seat next to the girl that was standing on my left and proceeded to 'compliment' us on our outfits that day. Nothing too out there. Until he thought it was appropriate to demonstrate his fondness for my skirt by putting his fingers underneath the space. I immediately slapped his hand away. It was instinctive. It didn't register to me that I had hit him until I saw the whole room staring at me. I didn't apologize though, I simply told him that he was a man and I was a girl and he should not touch me. 

I think I embarrassed him because he kept his distance. That is, until he cornered me in a back room locking the door behind him. He proceeded to tell me that he knew I thought I was better than him and smarter than him and that I should leave his department the way I found it. I don't know what would have happened next and I am glad that I didn't have to find out. I wasn't alone and I thank God for that. My co-worker had been lying down behind a shelf resting (she would later find out that she was pregnant) and she came over and asked him why the *insert badword here* he had locked the door. He skittered out of there pretty quickly and I told my other (female) supervisor about what happened. She laughed it off and told me that he was a bit of a flirt but all the workers were moved to another area the next day. He still works there though...

I remember feeling more confused than afraid. That a big man, who had been in his job for almost ten years would feel threatened by me - a squeaky teenager who would enthusiastically file because she thought it was genuinely fun. As I grew older it became more and more clear to me that it was workplace intimidation. That persons, very commonly feel threatened by new people and suggestions for improvement that fresh minds can make.

I took that with a grain of salt and I have learned to rein in that burning desire to contribute until I can find a way to include the persons that are already there but still make my contribution. What that man did was so wrong on so many levels. But I can't change him, and I can't change the millions out there like him. What I can change is myself and my approach. When someone tries to intimidate you its because they feel intimidated themselves. In the workplace, ignoring this fact can make life so much harder for you. Why not create ways to include persons around you to reassure them that you aren't there to step on them?

If that doesn't work - and this WILL happen - you need to watch your back. Clear your browser history, put a password on your computer, un-check the 'save password' box and don't divulge personal information or leave your valuables around. If it's a man you're dealing with, don't be left alone with him, lock a door behind you or cotch it open. Always let someone know where you are going and make friends with the security guards. And please, please let someone know. It can be as simple as 'Does John make you feel uncomfortable too?'. This alone can alert someone.

The workplace is somewhere that is out of your control. You can wise-up about it by being prepared to deal with the many googly balls it sends your way.

Do you have any stories to share? Have you ever experienced workplace intimidation? Have you ever intimidated someone in the workplace? Leave a comment and let me know.

Till later,
Jane